8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
