I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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