I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
