We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
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