I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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