Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
All the doctor said was why
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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