Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
