I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Text me some of your sweat
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
