Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
there is puke in my bra ... again
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
