I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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