Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
