But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
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