yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
