the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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