batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Randomize
