god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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