Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
