Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
