I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
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