I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize