the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
