Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize