I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
