you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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