Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
