it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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