I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
