Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
