i don't like sucking hair
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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