piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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