And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
