im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
