I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
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