1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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