There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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