we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
