found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
