I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
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