Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
