Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
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