she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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