The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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