and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Randomize
