I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
You have to summon your inner elephant
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
