May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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