What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
