for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
