Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
