Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
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then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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