You can't special order awesome
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
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I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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