...so i touched it.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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