like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Randomize
