i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
