I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
