he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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