So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
