an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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