just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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