yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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