Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
