Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
