I feel like abortions should bother me more
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
