its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
