One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Bring me that man meat
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
