I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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