dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
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I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
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