He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
