This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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