OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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