is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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